Reprinted with permission from "HEAD TO HEART" by Gila Manolson.
Now that a whirlwind year in dating, marriage, and baby news in K-ent is winding down, I wanted to check in on another big name couple that has had little to no updates all year other than tabloid fodder.
While most people believe love leads to giving, the truth (as Rabbi Eliyahu Dessler writes in his famous discourse on loving kindness) is exactly the opposite: Giving leads to love. When an enthusiastic handyman happily announces to his non- mechanically inclined wife, "Honey, wait till you see what I got you for your birthday ― a triple-decker toolbox! Neither is a father's forcing violin lessons on his son because he himself always dreamed of being a virtuoso.
The way God created us, actions affect our feelings most.
For example, if you want to become more compassionate, thinking compassionate thoughts may be a start, but giving tzedaka (charity) will get you there.
It allows you into another person's world and opens you up to perceiving his or her goodness.
At the same time, it means investing part of yourself in the other, enabling you to love this person as you love yourself.