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Signs of a toxic relationship are sometimes easy to spot—blatant infidelity or physical violence, for example.But there can often be more subtle signs that something's just not right between you and your partner—or between you and a close friend, a coworker, or a family member.In a 2015 University of Georgia study, married people who felt appreciated by their spouseand were acknowledged when they did something nicereported higher marital quality than those who didn't."It goes to show the power of 'thank you,'" study author Allen Barton said in a press release."If it's always about their needs and they never help meet yours, you have to ask yourself if it's really healthy for you." Cut your friend some slack if he or she is going through a hard time, but if it becomes par for the course, make your concerns heard.Close friends can sometimes fall into a trap of competing against each other, especially if they are in the same line of work or have similar lifestyles, says Bonior.It can also backfire: Instead of giving your partner more affection, you may just get angry or decide to retaliate with manipulative behaviors of your own."Your partner should really come to you and talk openly about feeling neglected or lonely," says Quirk, "not wait for you to figure it out or get your attention in deceptive ways."We can't choose our family members—but we can strive to make our bonds with them healthier, says Bonior.
"But if their behavior makes you feel belittled or guilty, that's not okay.If your main squeeze feels insecure about your relationship, he or she may try to preserve it by flirting with other people in front of you."This may have its desired effect, but it's not the most honest, constructive way to address problems in your relationship," says Quirk.(It's not just romantic relationships that can become toxic.) No matter what form a relationship takes, it's important to pay attention to how it really makes you feel, says Andrea Bonior, Ph D, adjunct professor of psychology at Georgetown University and author of The Friendship Fix."Keeping a finger on your own emotions can help you develop insight about the people in your life, so you can choose healthier situations," she says.
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"If you're always trying to one-up each other, it can get to the point where you become very passive aggressiveor even happy when the other person fails." Not only can this cause animosity toward your so-called friend, but it can also leave you insecure about whether your own situation is good enough.